Saying YES, even when it hurts..

Today marks 62 days of being back in America. It also marks 12 days until I leave my favorite city in the entire world, Austin, TX, and move to Gainesville, Georgia to be apart of the Center for Global Action.

As the end of my world race drew near, I looked back in awe of everything the Lord did in my life. It was a season where chains were broken, ground conquered, victories won, and God moved in my life like He never had before. And when it came time to head back home to America, He asked to relinquish more control and surrender to trusting in Him with my future.

This time around, He wasn’t asking me preach the gospel to people who spoke a language I had never even heard of, to care for adorable children who had been neglected or abandoned, or to lay my head on desert sands or church floors in parts of the world struck with destruction and poverty. He was asking me to trade adventure for stability, traveling with consistency, and to come away with Him to a small town in Georgia. If any of my friends and family at home were surprised to hear this calling, I think I may have had them beat.

But if anything the world race taught me, it is this. To say yes to Jesus because what He has planned for us is far greater than anything we could choose for ourselves. So with a heart abandoned and sold out for the kingdom, I said yes. I packed up all my gear and headed home with a certain level of expectation and excitement, not knowing at all what the season I was walking into had in store.

Almost immediately after re-entering into America, I was caught in a whirlwind of distraction, temptation, and deceit. All the distractions that I had stripped from my life for 9 months were once again at my fingertips (cell phone, social media, reality tv shows, etc.). Supermarkets and restaurants left me confused with all the choices of what to eat or buy or binge on. And I was now living in a culture that supports and promotes materialism and pleasure, while enticing you with lies that are commonly accepted by everyone as the truth.

I quickly felt all the ground I had conquered on the race start to slip. Nights were spent on the floor of my bedroom with journals opened and searching through my bible looking for answers instead of sitting in the presence of the Lord. Whatsapp messages and Skype calls with my former teammates became regular because I needed their prayers, not feeling strong enough to fight for myself. More times than I care to admit, I would look up with tears in my eyes and ask God, “how could this be what you want for me?”

On top of all of this, how was I supposed to fundraise for CGA? Pride told me I couldn’t admit any of this to my church community because it made me unworthy of investing in. Pride also told me that I had to prove to everyone just how much I changed on the race, and that if I didn’t walk in freedom and joy all of the time then I really hadn’t changed at all. Everyone waned to hear amazing stories from my missions and all I wanted was to talk about how much my heart was hurting, which only led to me feeling isolated. Satan was placing lie after lie in my head, and for a second I was starting to doubt that I could experience God in life outside of the race the same way I could on the world race. That was one of the biggest lies of all! 

That’s when I realized how God was working in this season my life. He was forging me in the fire. While Satan was attacking me with fear, doubt, and lies, God was teaching me what it means to be patient in affliction. He was teaching me what it means to trust Him even when my eyes could not see what was going on around me or what the future held. He told me that if I remained faithful to him, He had even more love and grace and freedom for me to walk into.

And that is exactly what the enemy is afraid. Many times this summer I asked myself why I was being so heavily attacked spiritually. It’s because Satan can see the grip he is losing on me. The farther I get away from him, the louder he is going to scream at me to come back.

I can’t wait to see everything the good Lord has in store for me with CGA because I know it’s going to be full of Him! Even though I couldn’t really tell you specifically what that is, I’m okay with that because I told Jesus I would follow Him and say yes to Him at every chance I got. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.